Many of us regularly have thoughts and feelings that we don’t say out loud. You know, those thoughts and feelings that we feel are representative of the worst parts of ourselves…that we are ashamed to share because they feel “wrong”…the thoughts and feelings that feel like we’re the only ones who are “that messed up” to be having them.
I am a:
- Working professional with a masters degree in business and over a decade of experience in the mental health field.
- Wife to a husband who is the perfect blend of everything amazing and everything that drives me nutty.
- Mommy to two wild and crazy children who never seem to slow down.
- Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints which has given me so many wonderful and amazing blessings, and also some of my greatest struggles.
- Survivor of childhood abuse, mental illness, and suicide attempts.
- University faculty member teaching first semester students all the things I wish someone had taught me about being a successful student and adult.
- Friend and family member to so many amazing and wonderful people whom I love and adore, but who have at many times unknowingly (or knowingly) hurt me.
I have spent years of my life having thoughts and feelings that felt different, wrong, and sometimes pretty fucked up. And I always felt that I was alone in these thoughts and feelings. That nobody else understood or experienced the same things I did. Come to find out, after years of therapy, I’m actually not all that different from other people. We just don’t say these things out loud to others.
If you had asked me two weeks ago if I had any intention to start blogging, I would have laughed at you in disbelief. I work 60 hour work weeks, have a home and family I can’t keep up with, and go to therapy weekly to try to manage all of the things happening inside of me. And yet here I am…blogging.
In this blog you will find journal entries from my therapy journal. The one I keep to work out all of the big emotions, thoughts, and feelings that come from my life experiences. These are unedited (except for spelling and grammatical changes), real life, honest entries. These are the things that I think, but am oftentimes too afraid to say out loud. These are the things that make me feel alone, and yet likely resonate with so many others. And these are the things that I hope will help you to feel like you are not alone and you are understood.
Because these writings are intimate, real, and honest, I am choosing at this time to remain anonymous in order to protect those I love. I do this in order to keep the writing free and unobstructed. Feelings and thoughts are not wrong, but they should be shared in an appropriate time and manner.